I Leave People I Love For The Sake of My Growth

It is a privilege to be able to grow together. However, what I have observed in my path is that I have been given different people and communities at each stage. It's like I jump up from one to other.

There is a part of me that is powerless to control all of this. Any circumstances also encourage me to move forward and have intense time with other people or communities that can leverage my personal growth.

Little do my surroundings know, even though I look indifferent, I'm very attached to people. I was very sad when I decide to leave. We had a good time growing together, but at one point because of the difference in pace, I felt I was forced to outgrown and had to grow apart. It's very painful for me to accept the fact.

In romance terms, I have also been forced to leave people who blocked my growth. I realize that I was never abandoned, but when it's time for me to grow up and the other side doesn't, the separation will come.

Sump up, it's not personal, nor about one community that I've conflicted with. But some conflict are necessary as a sign for me to move forward to the next stage. Moving forward doesn't mean that I never talk again. Moving forward means my time, focus, attentions, efforts, energies is no longer on she/he/them.

How far I (she) go? She was afraid asking some request to the waiters and stranger, and her email address was hopeless_lee@gmail.com to the She was moving to other cities all by herself. She finally made it into her dream life, from a kos - kosan, to an apartment, to a rent house, and now She writes this blog in a comfortable home. She also helps people while growing her self.

She left her parents for the Big Cities so that her mindset and self could grow. It's quite bitter when you go to the mall on sunday afternoon just to see some family member gathered together, and somehow her family is in 3 different cities. Once, she return home to saw her parents, she had a shock didn't realize her parent was getting older. The other day was her big family gathering, she was getting such an realization, "oh iya, ternyata Saya juga punya keluarga".

She kept contemplated is this all worth it?

She left a monastery community that she loved. A community of sincere people, which is hard to find in adult life. She does not have any choices, causing her always having some nostalgic idea, and so on.

This path has teared up many connections, happy possibilities, happy memories, and ownership-ego. But again, She have no choice, She have to let it go.

It's only few people with same path and pace can longer together with her. She is okay with that. Again, She have no choice, She have to grow, and moving forward.

It's quite frustrating because a part of her wants to keep all of them, but she can't. There are times, even though there is no community or person who can support her growth, She still move forward on her own. I'm not sure I would describe it as brave or pitiful. Again, She have no choice, except to accept.

She hope none of these people she left take it personally.

Amen.